Behold, as Greg calls it, "Mount Monitoba".
To make matters worse, Greg is pimple-popping-hungry son of a gun. If he sees a pimple, he needs to pop it. I won't even go into detail because this blog will become very incriminating for us(him), but let's just say I'm on the lookout. He's might be at work today, but I'm still half-expecting him to jump out from the behind the couch, tackle me, and squeeze the life out of Mount Monitoba.
Anyway, this week has been a bit stressful. Something I haven't mentioned yet, but if you're unlucky enough to follow me on Instagram you will know, is that my Grandmother is my absolute best friend. She helped my mom raise me and is a huge part of who I am. I'll definitely be dedicating a lot of posts to her in the future.
Unfortunately, we had to take her to the hospital on Sunday evening. If you know RoRo (as we call her) you know this is bad news for everyone working at the hospital. She has not been to a doctor in 20 years and insists that they "make you worse than when you walked in". You should have seen the look on her face when she found out she was going to need a rectal exam. It wasn't pretty, folks.
Without further ado, here are a few gems from our hospital experience:
She was complaining about her IV. After telling her she could either keep the IV in or take it out and get a new one.
Grandma: "Well those are two really rotten choices"
Nurse: Are you able to walk?
Nurse: Do you use a cane
Grandma: No. I got to bingo 4 times a week.
Nurse: Do you drive?
Grandma: Definitely not.
Nurse: Are you retired?
Grandma: Retired from driving?
Nurse: No, are you retired?
Grandma: Am I Italian? Is she asking if I'm Italian?
Me: That's for them to collect samples.
Grandma: Jeez do they ever mind their own business?
Grandma: Come on Casey, take me home I wanna get out of this place.
Me: Why are you looking at me - why don't you ask your daughter?
Grandma: No she's no fun she never breaks any rules.
Mary: No mom, are you kidding me?
Me: Grandma, they said they can give you a nicotine patch if that would help.
Grandma: A patch? What are they kidding me? With all that they've put me through already they want to add to my problems? No thank you.
After her chest x-Ray
My mom to the technician: Did she behave herself?
Technician: Yes she was great.
Grandma: See, at least he respects the elderly.
Nurse: Okay you're gonna go for a quick ride.
Grandma: Whoa. That was a ride?
Nurse: Yup. How was that?
Grandma: Well I hope you don't charge because it wouldn't be worth it.
And finally my friends, I leave you with this final picture. It was taken when they were checking her blood pressure.
Grandma: "They're checking me again! For the millionth time! Enough with the poking and prodding what are you, playing piano on my chest?!"
She made no attempt at hiding her disdain for the hospital...