I'm coming to you live from my home office on this beautiful FRIDAY. Amen for the weekend. Seriously. As I sit here counting down the hours until 5pm, I decided I should do something other than pick at the enormous zit on my chin. The zit that I get every single month as a nice "how do you do" present from Aunt Flo. That woman gives the worst presents. Anyway, I have picked and attempted to pop this sucker so many times by now, that it is substantially worse than if I would have just left it alone. And because I'm a good friend, I'm going to show you it.
Behold, as Greg calls it, "Mount Monitoba".
Behold, as Greg calls it, "Mount Monitoba".
| GREG IS CLEARLY OFF, BECAUSE I GOOGLE IMAGED MOUNT MONITOBA. SO THERE.
|
As I examine this picture more, it comes to my attention that I essentially look like I have a nipple on my chin. Which I'm gonna just embrace, because no amount of makeup will ever take care of this atrocity.
To make matters worse, Greg is pimple-popping-hungry son of a gun. If he sees a pimple, he needs to pop it. I won't even go into detail because this blog will become very incriminating for us(him), but let's just say I'm on the lookout. He's might be at work today, but I'm still half-expecting him to jump out from the behind the couch, tackle me, and squeeze the life out of Mount Monitoba.
Anyway, this week has been a bit stressful. Something I haven't mentioned yet, but if you're unlucky enough to follow me on Instagram you will know, is that my Grandmother is my absolute best friend. She helped my mom raise me and is a huge part of who I am. I'll definitely be dedicating a lot of posts to her in the future.
Unfortunately, we had to take her to the hospital on Sunday evening. If you know RoRo (as we call her) you know this is bad news for everyone working at the hospital. She has not been to a doctor in 20 years and insists that they "make you worse than when you walked in". You should have seen the look on her face when she found out she was going to need a rectal exam. It wasn't pretty, folks.
To make matters worse, Greg is pimple-popping-hungry son of a gun. If he sees a pimple, he needs to pop it. I won't even go into detail because this blog will become very incriminating for us(him), but let's just say I'm on the lookout. He's might be at work today, but I'm still half-expecting him to jump out from the behind the couch, tackle me, and squeeze the life out of Mount Monitoba.
Anyway, this week has been a bit stressful. Something I haven't mentioned yet, but if you're unlucky enough to follow me on Instagram you will know, is that my Grandmother is my absolute best friend. She helped my mom raise me and is a huge part of who I am. I'll definitely be dedicating a lot of posts to her in the future.
Unfortunately, we had to take her to the hospital on Sunday evening. If you know RoRo (as we call her) you know this is bad news for everyone working at the hospital. She has not been to a doctor in 20 years and insists that they "make you worse than when you walked in". You should have seen the look on her face when she found out she was going to need a rectal exam. It wasn't pretty, folks.
Raise your hand if you needed a finger shoved up your butt!
After two days of tests being done, RoRo being monitored, and nurses getting yelled at by my abusive grandmother, we were allowed to leave. THANK THE LORD HALLELUJAH BABY JESUS! This woman smokes almost two packs a day, has a steady diet of chocolate and soda, and gets exercise in the form of bingo and poker. Yet we are so, so, SO lucky she is in great health. While waiting two days to find that out made me a bit crazy, I also think I have not laughed so hard in years. And it's all because of RoRo's unbelievable commentary. I hope to always keep my humor, even in scary times.
Without further ado, here are a few gems from our hospital experience:
She was complaining about her IV. After telling her she could either keep the IV in or take it out and get a new one.
Grandma: "Well those are two really rotten choices"
----
Nurse: Are you able to walk?
Grandma: Yes.
Nurse: Do you use a cane
Grandma: No. I got to bingo 4 times a week.
Nurse: Do you drive?
Grandma: Definitely not.
Nurse: Are you retired?
Grandma: Retired from driving?
Nurse: No, are you retired?
Grandma: Am I Italian? Is she asking if I'm Italian?
Without further ado, here are a few gems from our hospital experience:
She was complaining about her IV. After telling her she could either keep the IV in or take it out and get a new one.
Grandma: "Well those are two really rotten choices"
----
Nurse: Are you able to walk?
Grandma: Yes.
Nurse: Do you use a cane
Grandma: No. I got to bingo 4 times a week.
Nurse: Do you drive?
Grandma: Definitely not.
Nurse: Are you retired?
Grandma: Retired from driving?
Nurse: No, are you retired?
Grandma: Am I Italian? Is she asking if I'm Italian?
Grandma: What's this thing in the toilet?
Me: That's for them to collect samples.
Grandma: Jeez do they ever mind their own business?
----
Grandma: Come on Casey, take me home I wanna get out of this place.
Me: Why are you looking at me - why don't you ask your daughter?
Grandma: No she's no fun she never breaks any rules.
Me: That's for them to collect samples.
Grandma: Jeez do they ever mind their own business?
----
Grandma: Come on Casey, take me home I wanna get out of this place.
Me: Why are you looking at me - why don't you ask your daughter?
Grandma: No she's no fun she never breaks any rules.
Grandma: Am I allowed to go out for a cigarette?
Mary: No mom, are you kidding me?
Me: Grandma, they said they can give you a nicotine patch if that would help.
Grandma: A patch? What are they kidding me? With all that they've put me through already they want to add to my problems? No thank you.
----
After her chest x-Ray
My mom to the technician: Did she behave herself?
Technician: Yes she was great.
Grandma: See, at least he respects the elderly.
Mary: No mom, are you kidding me?
Me: Grandma, they said they can give you a nicotine patch if that would help.
Grandma: A patch? What are they kidding me? With all that they've put me through already they want to add to my problems? No thank you.
----
After her chest x-Ray
My mom to the technician: Did she behave herself?
Technician: Yes she was great.
Grandma: See, at least he respects the elderly.
When moving her from the stretcher to the bed
Nurse: Okay you're gonna go for a quick ride.
Grandma: Whoa. That was a ride?
Nurse: Yup. How was that?
Grandma: Well I hope you don't charge because it wouldn't be worth it.
And finally my friends, I leave you with this final picture. It was taken when they were checking her blood pressure.
Grandma: "They're checking me again! For the millionth time! Enough with the poking and prodding what are you, playing piano on my chest?!"
She made no attempt at hiding her disdain for the hospital...
Nurse: Okay you're gonna go for a quick ride.
Grandma: Whoa. That was a ride?
Nurse: Yup. How was that?
Grandma: Well I hope you don't charge because it wouldn't be worth it.
And finally my friends, I leave you with this final picture. It was taken when they were checking her blood pressure.
Grandma: "They're checking me again! For the millionth time! Enough with the poking and prodding what are you, playing piano on my chest?!"
She made no attempt at hiding her disdain for the hospital...
RSS Feed
